I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
