Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
