I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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