Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
