If i come over, it means nothing
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
