I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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