My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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