I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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