I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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