I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
