my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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