I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
