youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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