I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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