My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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