he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
