You're earring is so big in my mouth
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
