Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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