NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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