Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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