You're my little dorito
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
