...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
