We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
