i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sorry about my life...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
