Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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