Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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