thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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