I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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