white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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