I think I am morally bankrupt
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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