i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
wow bdsm is so cute
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
