Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(417): View more from Missouri

you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up

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(650): View more from California

Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'

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(804): View more from Virginia

she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"

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(425): View more from Washington

Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?

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(310): View more from California

Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.

(818): View more from California

Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?

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(847): View more from Illinois

I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.

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