At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
