Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you inspire me to be a worse person
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
