If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
