I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this will be a night to untag.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
