My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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