My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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