You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
