So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My bed smells like the plague
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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