You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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