I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my poor anus
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
