This girl is more easily done than said...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
