I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
