The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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