I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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