I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
