I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
