i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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