I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
