what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
