The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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