1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
50% drunk capacity currently
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
how does that bad decision feel?
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