i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
