I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
