p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
