what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This baby is an asshole
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
