i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
