i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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