a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
