I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
