Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
