I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My feet surprised me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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