He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
