all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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