your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
