So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
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i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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