So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
