i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
