I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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