there's paper in my vomit.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
