You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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