What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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