I think my fart just growled at me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
