No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
