you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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